I just have to share some of the funny things my parents and I have caught ourselves saying to my boys over the past few weeks. Sometimes I’ll say something, without stepping back to realize how ludicrous it sounded.

When I was a teacher, we talked about this same topic, crazy things we’ve had to tell our students. I should have compiled all of the comments my colleagues and I heard, especially the ones when we’d have Spirit Week and the kids would dress according to a different theme each day. It would make a great coffee table book to compile all of these “instructions.”

This was a good one, “Eww! Mrs. Baker, he just got his lion tail in my spaghetti!” or how about, “I know your career is a ballerina, but we have to stop pirouetting every time I ask you to stand and answer.” And my personal favorite, “Next time, please take your gorilla suit all the way off before trying to use the restroom.”

Even though I’m not teaching this year, I’ve still given some interesting “instructions” to my own little ones here at home.  So, I thought I’d give you a chuckle on this Tuesday. Here goes:

Carson:

  1. “Shut the door carefully when Cole’s in the cabinet.”
  2. Me: “Do not squish your brother’s head!” Carson: “I’m not. I’m just barely laying on it.
  3. Carson trying on clothes given to us from a friend: “Mom, this looks hideous. A sweater with no sleeves?” Me: “It’s a sweater vest.”
  4. “Yes, you have to wash the bottoms of your feet in the shower.”
  5. “Stop!!! What do you think would have happened if you hit that fly on the window with the butt of your metal cap gun?!” (You will love Carson’s initial reply-“Did you say, ‘butt?'”)
  6. “Why is there rice in the furnace filter?”
  7. Carson: “I shut the side of Cole’s cage. He can’t get out, now.” Me: “Please quit calling his crib a ‘cage.'” (That one will sound great at the Pediatrician’s visit.)
  8. (Learning the sates, capitals, and major cities) Carson: “Oh, I know this one, ‘Cheeku-go.’ I drive my truck there all the time on my Kindle game.” Me (laughing): “It’s ‘Chicago!'”
  9. (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on Disney Jr. has a little character, “Tootles.” He always has tools they need to fix whatever the problems are in the episode. Cole loves watching it. After seeing it a million times, Carson turned to me and asked:) “Mom, how is it possible that Tootles always has the exact tools they need? It’s amazing!” (Really?!! Did he really just ask me that?!)
  10. And my favorite (at least for this month): “Carson, It’s too hot to wear your coonskin cap to the mall.” (only in Tennessee)

Cole:

  1. “You cannot chew on Papaw’s shoe.”
  2. “Let’s not lick the window.”
  3. “I’m sorry, but that’s what happens when you climb in the desk and try to shut yourself in.”
  4. “Do not bite Brother’s nose!”
  5. “Tell me which implement is the baler?” (Pawpaw would be proud!)
  6. “Here, you can chew on the nose sucker, if you want to.” (It was the bulb side, but still maybe not the best idea…haha)
  7. “Were you eating the sidewalk chalk, again?” (What kid repeatedly eats it? ugh!)
  8. “It’s not funny to stick your finger up Mommy’s nose.”
  9. “Do not crawl in the dishwasher again!”
  10. And my personal favorite for Cole: “You are not allowed to jump out of the windowsill, you have to slide out.” (Don’t worry, Mom. It wasn’t upstairs.)
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